Pause, Reflect and Decide

I write after a busy first few months of 2020. This year has been but a whirlwind what with house renovations, trying to take the time to grieve for the loss of my dearest mother Talei (Talei means “Precious” in the Fijian language), teaching yoga in the basement of my house, hosting my first Air bnb guest and now the COVID-19 pandemic. So what is this new virus teaching me?

Where do I start? This is really the question I ask myself at this present moment which is all we have. I awoke this morning and did my morning meditation and prayer plus morning yoga flow. My family home is chaotic with house painting on hold, old furniture and items moved to one side of the house. Since the virus hit Fiji, I had to request the workers to stop work. When I woke up this morning, I felt that I was being born again, starting all over. This is where I am now, starting over. I feel the presence of my mother more than ever, whispering that it’s ok to start over, it’s ok to grieve, to cry and to take a break from the routine I was stuck in, the last few months. I am allowing myself to feel the emotions, to also tell myself that it’s ok not to go to the supermarket if I don’t feel safe. I am choosing to self isolate, to remain at home, write my blog, do yoga and eat well. Today, I choose to really go deep within. I also choose to start a new project, while I take a break from face to face yoga due to my conscious choice to practice social distancing (click here to learn more about how to protect yourself if someone is displaying symptoms of COVID-19). I will be working with local Fijian craftswoman and yoga teacher Alumeci Vakayaravosa from Taveuni, known as the “Garden Island of Fiji”. Alumeci affectionately known as Meci (“c” is pronounced as “the” in Fijian) is weaving yoga mats with my yoga name “Ilana’s Heart Yoga” and personalized names on them. If you’re interested to order one, please email me on ilanasheartyoga@gmail.com . I am super excited about this new project, to support local handicrafts women.

I do not have all the answers at this moment of uncertainty. But, I do know that I owe my late mother the world. Which means, that the house has to be done well and that I do not have to stick to routine. Routines are meant to be broken as COVID-19 is allowing us to do as a collective. Work and the way we’ve been taught to operate is based on an old system of capitalism, i.e. the worker is a slave to the system of money. Today, I choose to pause and reflect. I have the power to decide my destiny and I am choosing it on my terms.

What are your reflections as humanity undergoes a major change? If you are feeling fear, know that this is ok and it’s normal. What you choose to do with the fear is the basis of how you will evolve into the new future. Embrace change, feel the fear and follow your dreams!

Top image: Releasing beautiful flowers after my parent’s ashes ceremony in Suva Harbour, November 2019. (Note: My Dad’s ashes were kept in the house till the passing of my mum). Source of image: Michelle Fong.

Bottom image: Here I am, with Meci, excited about our new yoga mat project, March 2020.

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